Managing Your Personal Finances, 101

By Professor DLG'er

As I sat here in front of my beloved computer screen earlier, I was balancing my checkbook after making a couple of debit card purchases.  Immediately making entries into my computer after using my bank account is a must for me.  I have to know exactly how much money, down to the last cent is in my account.  Or will be in my account when transactions have cleared.

As I was making my entries, the thought of the back-side of an old Wells Fargo monthly statement popped into my head.  I think it was a neat little form to enter outstanding transactions.  Talk about stone-age.  Not only the thought of having to actually use one of those forms to keep track of my money, but the thought of actually receiving a paper statement in the mail.  Living in today's electronic age, I think it's only proper to receive an electronic statement.  Opting to receive an e-statement also does a great job of reducing clutter around the house that is likely to remain clutter around the house for months, if not years.

The cool thing about thinking about an old Wells Fargo statement is that it reminded me that I am no longer a Wells Fargo member.  Having had a couple of blunders with Wells Fargo, combined with horrible customer service- I have made the switch to Alaska USA Federal Credit Union.  I have been with Alaska USA for over two years and can say making the switch is like night and day.  I remember reading somewhere that they are the largest credit union in the US, due to the fact that most Alaskans use them.

I know some people that don't even balance their accounts.  They just guess as to how much they have in them.  This is horrible, sloppy, lazy.  As for you- if you're reading this, you have enough time to make an entry into some computer software after making purchases.  It's easy, and you'll love yourself for doing it.

Don't forget to switch to electronic statements!  More importantly, consider making the switch to Alaska USA.

ALWAYS Use The Proper Tools For The Job

CORDLESS DRILL:
Yes:  Dewalt 18 Volt (Not compact model)
Heeeellll no:  Makita 9.6 Volt

STAPLE GUN:
Yes:  Arrow Fastener Co. Model T-50 
Heeeellll no:  Black and Decker Powershot 

The Way It Is

To fix a leak, you must simultaneously create another leak somewhere else.

Kathy McLinn's (From Dillingham, Alaska) Dictionary

Teachin' = Learnin' up mah kidz reel goood

Skool = Place fer learnin' up mah kidz

Varmint = Whut goes in muh dinner pot too-night

JimmyJoe = Muh huzbind who ketchz muh varmints

JoeBob = Giggle...Giggle...nunyabiznit

Small Businesses & Proper Planning For Start-Up

By Professor DLG'er

Class, let's focus on proper planning for our hypothetical business venture today.  We are going to talk about taking the proper steps to ensure a smooth start-up for our new business.  Since we live in a fishing village, we will use fish processing as our new business.

Let's make sure that we have a chunk of native allotment to build our processing plant on, because we know that it will be immune from local laws and frivolous complaints from anyone that may live nearby that is concerned about any horrible odors that may come along with fish processing and what we are going to do with the fish waste that we'll have.

Obtaining a law degree is a huge plus, but optional.  By obtaining a law degree, we know that we are not ordinary people.  It also gives us the feeling that we can do whatever we want, regardless of what other people think.

It's pretty much a given that a fish processing plant is going to use a pretty good amount of water.  We'll want to place our processing plant somewhere near a creek or culvert, and we will call the creek or culvert "existing waste stream".  This sounds more environmentally friendly than "dumping fish blood into the creek that runs by everyone on its' way to the river".

Since we are already growing organic vegetables, let's use fish guts as fertilizer.  We'll dump the fish guts on the ground and mix them with dirt.  We'll toss and turn this mixture now and then.  Common sense will tell us that there may be unpleasant smells coming from this magical mixture, but remember- we're on native allotment and that gives us special rights to do what we want on our property with little regard for what any of our neighbors may think.

Now- the icing on the cake in our situation is that we can conduct our business in a wonderful little 'fishing village' during summer operations, but have a more permanent residence in another city during winter months.

Hope you enjoyed today's lesson.  Class dismissed!

Kathy McLinn (From Dillingham, Alaska) Says:

Teachin' giz mah special prillijuz.  Mah skool po-zishun lows mah to say what ah want, when ah want, to whoevah ah want.

The life story of an inexpensive pair of tube socks that always slide down

First time wearing:  I guess these socks will do, they're cheap and I'll save some money

Second time wearing:  I sure seem to have to pull these socks up alot

Third time wearing:  Man!  These dang socks!

Fourth time wearing:  I barely put my boot on and these socks already slipped down.....

.....Tenth time wearing:  These f@$#%$^ socks!!!

Today:  I think I'll just throw those socks away (haven't done it yet and probably won't)

A quote straight out of Izetta's Alaska Bounty blog (alaskabounty.blogspot)

Is it just me, or is decomposing fish waste just a little bit more than "the smell of a little fish"?  Damn, I don't like the idea of Pebble Mine, but I'd rather have a big ass mound of mining debris sitting in my back yard than the smell of rotting fish.  Maybe Izetta can explain how her fish composting operation on her property really works.

New poll

Vote in the new poll if you think fish are not returning to Bristol Bay.

Kathy McLinn (From Dillingham, Alaska) Says:

Skoolz goan stott purdy soon.  Ah kaint wait!!!  Mah garsh, ah kaint wait!!!  Good garsh dang it, ah kaint wait!!!

Growing your own 'organic' vegetables to sell to your neighbors at a high price in Bush Alaska

By Professor DLG'er

Welcome back, class!!! Greetings aside, we are going to dive straight into today's lesson. Let's use the following guide to learn how to grow our own organic vegetables to sell to our neighbors at high prices.

First on the list of to-dos is to order up a couple of high-tubes. We want to make sure that we know the barge shippers sailing schedule so that we don't have to use very expensive air cargo services at last minute.

We then want to order up the following items online:

1. Cool little stickers that say “Organic"
2. Seeds of our choice
3. Plant food, plant vitamins and other growth chemicals
4. An assortment of pesticides
5. Any other chemicals that we can find with convincing claims of “preserving freshness"

Now, we will construct our high-tubes and prepare our soil. Plant our seeds, when they arrive- making sure we use our wide variety of plant food/vitamins/growth chemicals. Once our seeds have sprouted- we'll keep the plants healthy by preventing any pesky insects from chomping down on them before we do. We do this with the use of our pesticides. Once our vegetables have grown nice and big, we will gather them and use our chemicals that “preserve freshness” and then slapping the “organic” stickers all over them.

The final and most important step is to come up with an insanely high price to sell them at and put the sale sign up!

Possible reasons for having a crummy fishing season

• Stayed on shore most of the time
• Didn't fish the line
• Cruised off the fishing grounds when a semi-load was caught
• Seals considered my boat their favorite in the bay
• Fished with holy nets
• Lazy crew
• Smart biologists are ruining the 'sustainable resource'

If you could see DLG'er in person...

...what would you do?

• flash a dirty look?
• call dirty names?
• say 'nice to meet you!'
• say 'cool blog, dlg'er!'
• nuttin' much, because you don't give a hoot

Leave a comment!  Your browser must accept cookies to do so.

Just accept it

DLG'er says:
If at first you don't succeed, then you probably just are not good enough.  Don't bother with try and try again- it won't work.

Writing my own newspaper column after Izetta's words of encouragement: "Maybe you should be writing a column in the paper too! I'm sure that other people would be happy to hear of these prices, and I'm also confident that you could explain it in a way that makes sense to your regular, average Joe. You know, not too many big, fancy words that are incomprehensible"

Better Fish Prices
By DLG'er

The ninety-five cent rumors are true!!!

How's Izetta doing?

I wonder how Izetta's vegetable growing and fish business is going.

A sure sign that you'll have an empty net:

Near the end of your net:
Four seals

Also near the end of your net:
Eight seagulls

What they are doing at the end of your net:
Seagulls are dive-bombing the seals.  Seals are lunging up at the seagulls that are dive-bombing.  

DLG'er Says:

It's OK, Kathy- I don't mind if you check the stupid boxes.

Kathy McLinn (From Dillingham, Alaska) Says:

Teachin' is muh biznit and I luv muh biznit.

Tip O The Day

Your boat will not float without the plug in place to keep out the water. Always check for your plug.

Kathy McLinn Says:

Flamin' up marshmallers and weener dawgs is good on da sunny days, everbuddy!!!

The Into Wind Rule

By Professor DLG'er
Doing ANY business into the wind is a bad idea.  Not just peeing- ANYTHING.

Good Night, My Dear Friend

Chapter Four
Raven, as sad as it is to admit this- I have gotten my wish.  My prediction of needing only one bullet was also right on the mark. 
Chapter Five
Raven, rest in peace.
The End

Good Night, My Dear Friend

Chapter One
Raven, you have safely landed on my roof for the very last time.  Which means the next time your claws make a racket up there- it will be the last time they make a racket up there.
Chapter Two
Raven, I have thoroughly cleaned up the ole .22 long rifle in anticipation of hearing the clawing racket you make.  It is chock full of bullets, even though I will only need one.
Chapter Three
Raven, your touch and go landing has only angered me more.  This time, instead of having the gun on safety, and no bullet in the chamber- I now have it on safety, with a bullet in the chamber.  

Gee whiz. KAKN, or KLDG

A sure sign that it's time to break down and buy an Ipod or similar modern music storage device:

It's Sunday.  Hanging a net.  Got a radio nearby.  No CD's at hand.  KDLG is currently tuned in on the radio.  African dance music is what's on the menu.  African dance music?  Damn, you sure hit the spot, KDLG.  A quick change over to KAKN on FM has me instantly turning off the radio. 

Kathy McLinn Says:

Hi everbuddy!!!  How your doon???

Tip O The Day

If for some reason you took something apart, and simply cannot get one piece back on the way it was- make sure that you don't have it backwards.

Not so smooth transition from village boy to city slicker (or vice versa)

WHEN YOU GOTTA PEE
Village Boy: 
Go to the nearest bush and deed is instantly done.
City Slicker:
Need to think about where the nearest public restroom is.

IN RUSH HOUR TRAFFIC
Village Boy:
Damn, why is this guy stopping all the way at the stop sign?  Seems like he's been there for three seconds.
City Slicker:
Damn, why did that guy stop when the light was still yellow?  Seems like I've been at this stop light for three minutes.

PASSING ON THE ROAD
Village boy:
Raises hand to wave.
City Slicker:
Raises hand to give the finger.

IN THE STORE
Village Boy:
Wow, look at that price!  I'm buying one for the price of two.
City Slicker:
Wow, look at that price!  I'm buying two for the price of one. 

MOVIES
Village Boy:
I can't wait to see that movie, I wonder when it's coming to dvd.
City Slicker:
I can't wait to see that movie, I wonder when it's coming to the theater.

ON THE COMPUTER
Village Boy:
Damn, I've been loading this page for two minutes already.  My connection is slower than hell.
City Slicker:
Damn, I've been loading this page for two seconds already.  My connection is slower than hell.

IN THE RESTAURANT
Village Boy:
Damn, I got here twenty minutes ago and still waiting to order.  What the hell's taking so long?
City Slicker:
Damn, I got here twenty minutes ago, ordered almost as soon as I walked through the door and still waiting for my food.  What the hell's taking so long?  

Politeness, or Dishonesty?

Family or Friends:

Would you like some-
  *Muktuk?
  *Seal oil?
  *Fish eyeballs?
  *Seagull eggs?
  *Agutuk made with whitefish?

Me:

What I say-
   *No thanks

What I really mean-
  *Not in this lifetime

How To "Ponder" Big Words

By Professor DLG'er

In todays lesson, our helper shown at right is going to help us learn how to "ponder" big words.

Our helper shows that all you have to do is:
 
  *Slap on your best 'sh*t eatin grin'
  *Blankly stare off to your left

And voila!!!  Pondering big words!!!

Writing my own newspaper column after Izetta's words of encouragement: "Maybe you should be writing a column in the paper too! I'm sure that other people would be happy to hear of these prices, and I'm also confident that you could explain it in a way that makes sense to your regular, average Joe. You know, not too many big, fancy words that are incomprehensible"

Fish is good for you
By DLG'er, filling in for IC at the paper this week.

Salmon is full of Omega 3, which makes it good for you.  Eat lots.

Words Of Wisdom

By Professor DLG'er
Do not attempt commercial projects (grinding up fish waste, growing vegetables to sell- you know, commercial projects) on your personal property that is zoned residential.  Higher ups will see this as not following the rules like everyone else and you will be ordered to halt.

Introduction To Advanced Aerodynamics

By Professor DLG'er
In todays lesson, we are going to use a blistering hot day and our vehicles for our learning experience.

Imagine yourself driving down the road on a very hot sunny day.  It must be 90 degrees inside your vehicle.  Either your vehicle doesn't have A/C, or the A/C is broken.  What do you do?  Do the following:

• Roll your driver side window down all the way
• Rest your forearm on the door, with your hand pointing forward
• Cup your hand (palm up) and lower your arm slowly 
• Once your hand drops below the mirror, you should feel a blast of air
• With trial & error, you should be able to direct the blast of air up your arm and to your body
• Palm below the mirror worked for me, you might have to try above the mirror

Once you can successfully direct the blast of air to your body, you have passed the 'Introduction To Advanced Aerodynamics' class!

Writing my own newspaper column after Izetta's words of encouragement: "Maybe you should be writing a column in the paper too! I'm sure that other people would be happy to hear of these prices, and I'm also confident that you could explain it in a way that makes sense to your regular, average Joe. You know, not too many big, fancy words that are incomprehensible"

IT'S NOT FAIR!
By Dlg'er

Some overseas farmed fish get to use the organic label.  Wild fish doesn't.  Those farmed fish eat wild fish.  It's not fair!

Writing my own newspaper column after Izetta's words of encouragement: "Maybe you should be writing a column in the paper too! I'm sure that other people would be happy to hear of these prices, and I'm also confident that you could explain it in a way that makes sense to your regular, average Joe. You know, not too many big, fancy words that are incomprehensible"

GETTING MORE $ FOR YOUR CATCH
By Dlg'er

Buyers will pay you more for your fish if you chill your catch.

Writing my own newspaper column after Izetta's words of encouragement: "Maybe you should be writing a column in the paper too! I'm sure that other people would be happy to hear of these prices, and I'm also confident that you could explain it in a way that makes sense to your regular, average Joe. You know, not too many big, fancy words that are incomprehensible"

FISH PRICES
By Dlg'er

The current price for frozen salmon in the grocery store is high, so maybe the price at the cannery this summer will also be high.

I wonder...

...is Izetta Chambers really, really, really smart?  Or does she need to open up her biology book and thesaurus when she writes her bits for the Bristol Bay Times and uses words that nobody understands.  And that picture...she should snap a new shot.  Maybe she could focus her eyes on the camera this time and wipe that blankety-blank grin off her face.

Orig. blog date- 5/12/2010

Don't know what you have...until you see what other people pay for it

Me in the summertime:  Catch some fish to sell for 50 cents or so per pound.  Every now and then pluck a couple out to bring home.  Slice em up into fillets for the freezer to eat during the dark wintery days.

Me not too long ago:  Walking through the aisles in a Carrs Quality Center.  Some frozen salmon fillets thawing in an open refrigerated bin caught my eye.  A closer look revealed price tags ranging from $15- $20 for a single fillet.

Me after seeing the price tags on the thawing salmon fillets:  Hmm...maybe I should slice up a few extras this summer.    I guess I didn't realize what I had until I saw what other people are paying for the same thing.

Orig. blog date 5/15/2010

As seen through different eyes, Part 2

REACTIONS TO GETTING A CUT ON A FINGER:

Me:  Dammit!!! I cut myself!!!  Where the hell are those band-aids...

Izetta Chambers:  Blast!  It appears as if (opening up a human anatomy book) I have nearly severed a blood vessel, hence the blood flowing out of my finger.  If I apply a slight pressure to the wound, the blood should coagulate.  Coagulation is a complex process by which blood forms clots.  It is an important part of hemostasis, wherein a damaged blood vessel wall...

More Photo Shop Miracles: Summary (Kathy McLinn)

More Photo Shop Miracles (Kathy McLinn), Part 8

Like before, this will be the last stage that we'll share here. 

More Photo Shop Miracles (Kathy McLinn), Part 7

Darken up those locks a little.

More Photo Shop Miracles (Kathy McLinn), Part 6

Change our lipstick color a little.

More Photo Shop Miracles (Kathy McLinn), Part 5

Powder up that pasty looking skin.

More Photo Shop Miracles (Kathy McLinn), Part 4

Add just a touch of eyeliner.

More Photo Shop Miracles (Kathy McLinn), Part 3

Step 2.  Fill in those locks to hide those alien ears.

More Photo Shop Miracles (Kathy McLinn), Part 2

OK.  Step one.  Pretty up those lips.

More Photo Shop Miracles (Kathy McLinn)

Okey dokey, pokey.  Here is KM's original photo.  Striking similarities, eh?  Once a name is pinned to this and many more photos to come, I think the photo shop miracles procedure on the way is going to be very believable.

More Photo Shop Miracles: Sneak Peek

Just a sneak peek of what's to come in "More Photo Shop Miracles"

Google "kathy mclinn" and choose images as the search option, somehow DLG'ers profile pic shows up.  I would like to change that.  Kathy's pictures certainly deserve to be shown on the WORLD WIDE WEB, not DLG'ers when you do a WORLD WIDE WEB search of her name.

While I'm not looking for an apology anymore, now would probably be the wisest time for one to come out.  An apology will remove this photo, and prevent a flood of future "more photo shop miracles" touch-up photos that is soon to come.  Planned release date is May 24, 2010- one whole week from now.  Once something hits the WORLD WIDE WEB, seems like it's kinda permanent.

Good News

Good news:  There was no mix up.  The photo touch up procedure was in fact IC's.

Excellent news:  We have located Kathy McLinn's before/after photo touch up procedure.  This procedure was also long and drawn out.  Once we prepare her procedure for uploading, we will share it with you. 

Possible Photo Shop Miracles Mix Up

...I need to double check my records to make sure that the photo I described as IC's has not been mixed up with Kathy McLinn's.  Stay tuned!!!

Is it good luck, or stealing?

You find a $100 bill on the ground.  There are people around.  What do you do?  Ask them if they lost $100?  What if you just stick it in your pocket?  What if the first person you ask says it's theirs?  Are they lying?  How do you know?  I would think about sticking it in my pocket before someone else does.  Of course it matters to me who the people are that are around.  Is this good luck, or stealing?

Photo Shop Miracles, Part 7

This is the last stage that we'll share here.  Please go & download a copy of the paper in PDF form to compare this with the final cut.   Hope you followed along and enjoyed!!!

Photo Shop Miracles, Part 6

Next to last stage. 

Photo Shop Miracles, Part 5

Almost the final stage in our process. 

Photo Shop Miracles, Part 4

Stage 4, almost complete.

Photo Shop Miracles, Part 3

Stage three.  Moving along and getting somewhere.

Photo Shop Miracles, Part 2

As you can see, it was a very long and slow process.  This is the second stage of our touch-up efforts. 

Photo Shop Miracles

This is IC's photo at the local paper before modern computer aided touch-ups have been done.  Download the most recent copy and compare them.  You'll be amazed!  Google "Bristol Bay Times" if you don't know what I'm talking about.  Just download the latest PDF version and start flippin' through the pages.

As seen through different eyes

EXPLANATIONS ON THE BARS OF SOAP USED IN THE SHOWERS THIS MORNING:

Me:  Wow!  This new soap really lathers up.  It smells awesome!  I'm only buying this soap from now on...

Izetta Chambers:  Soaps are useful for cleaning because soap molecules have both a hydrophilic end, which dissolves in water, as well as a hydrophobic end, which is able to dissolve non-polar grease molecules. Although grease will normally adhere to skin or clothing, the soap molecules can form micelles which surround the grease particles and allow them to be dissolved in water. Applied to a soiled surface, soapy water effectively holds particles in colloidal suspension so...

(I'm not quoting Izetta, I just copy & pasted from a secret website because it looked similar to her writing.)

The Shatterproof Beer Cans

I wonder when Bethel is going to have their next vote to decide on how to control the flow of booze into their wonderful little city.  Let's go wet, let's go damp, let's go wet.  It'll be good because this, it'll be bad because that.  Blah, blah, blah.  According to my favorite online paper, the last vote had a 35% voter turnout.  They compared it to the last Anchorage vote for mayor, which had a 30% turnout.  I don't know what Bethel's normal voter turnout is, but I'm going to guess that it's well below 35%.  I can also guess on what Bethel residents see as the most important issues going on in their wonderful little city.  Booze on the mind.  Whether someone drinks or not, booze on the mind.

Makes me think about another little place in Alaska that once decided to prohibit the sale of glass bottles.   Glass bottles that contain booze in them.  Because people go crazy and go around smashing those glass bottles over peoples heads?  I wonder what it would be like if the little spot on the map called Dillingham decided to go damp or dry.  The booze from Dillingham not only causes major problems in Dillingham, but in all surrounding little villages.  Assault, rape, kids doing bad in school because their parents drink 24/7.  The list goes on & on.

So if you tell someone that they can't do something, it's going to work like magic and solve all of the problems.  Right?  Tell them it's illegal to drink because horrible things happen when they do.  They won't drink anymore.  No more assaults & rapes.  Seems to make sense to me, knowing that most of these assaults & rapes are alcohol related.    Ban something and everything will be ok.

Wrong, in my opinion.  Only makes it harder to get.  They have to put more effort into getting it.  Spend more money in the process.  The little infant in mommy's arms is going to have less formula because mommy & daddy have to spend more money to get the banned booze.  Banned booze costs more, and more money doesn't just appear out of thin air.  That more money for banned booze is going to come out of the light bill money, food bill money, the little infant's formula & diaper bill money.

So why do people continue to vote on something that's not going to be effective?  The respectable people in the neighborhood "know" what's right, because they don't have the same problems as "boozers" in the neighborhood.  Maybe some of the "boozers" see that they have some problems and are desperate for solutions.  Who knows.    

My solution:  Don't ban glass bottles.  Don't ban the booze that comes in them.  There's a slim chance that the little infant in mommy's arms will have extra food because there's extra food money.  Because buying a bottle of booze won't cost ten times its normal price.  Don't put more restrictions on something that's going to be done anyway.  Make the consequences harsher for law breakers who broke the law as a result of consuming alcohol.  Adding restrictions to alcohol use only MAKES more law breakers.

Enough Said

I'm done badmouthing Kathy McLinn & petla.  Stopping shows what kind of a person I am.  Lack of comment by Kathy McLinn & petla shows what kind of people they are.  Enough said.

E=MC², Part 2 (repeat)

Kathy McLinn=petla=accuse

(today is backwards day, so if you click on the stupid box- you really mean cool)

E=MC², Part 2

Kathy McLinn=petla=accuse

My name is petla, Part 4

• I REEEAAALLLYYY love to smoke lots of weed

My name is Kathy McLinn, Part 4

• I'm WAAAYYY better than DLG'er

Hmmmmmm......

(Thought cloud in my head)....I wonder who went through and clicked on all the stupid boxes.....

And speaking of movies...

...why do the best movies always seem to have a really stupid, unbelievable moment that seems to ruin the whole movie?

I wonder if they really say that in real life

"I didn't sign up for this" (in the movies)

My name is Kathy McLinn, Part 3

• I'm better than DLG'er

My name is petla, Part 3

• I love to smoke lots of weed

A conversation with Kathy McLinn & petla

DLG'er:  I...(cut off by Kathy McLinn)
Kathy McLinn: You're anonymous!
DLG'er:  A...(cut off by petla)
petla:  You're Eileen Goode!
DLG'er:  Sorry!
Kathy McLinn:  Nose up in the air
petla:  Nose up in the air

The perfect start to a day, part 2

1. Yaaaawwwwnnnnn
2. Smack, smack (opening & closing mouth)
3. Stretttcccchhhh (a quick full body stretch before rolling off the bed)
4. ZZZZzzzzzZZZZzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZzzzZZZzzz

My name is petla, part 2

• I like to accuse
• I like to assume
• I like to blame
• I like to point fingers

My name is Kathy McLinn, part 2

• I like to accuse
• I like to assume
• I like to blame
• I like to point fingers

The perfect start to a day

1. Yaaaawwwwnnnnn
2. Smack, smack (opening & closing mouth)
3. Stretttcccchhhh (a quick full body stretch before rolling off the bed)

My name is petla

Hi, my name is petla

• I am a college student
• I am a massage therapist
• I care about the environment
• I care about the place that I call home
• My only flaw is that I tend to look at people, and say things about people without facts, I just like to make guesses

My name is Kathy McLinn

Hi, my name is Kathy McLinn

• I am a great teacher
• I care about children
• I care about the environment
• I care about the place that I call home
• My only flaw is that I tend to look at people, and say things about people without facts, I just like to make guesses

Eyes that seem to tell a different story

You ever see someone and get freaked out by them?  Just by looking at their eyes?  There are certain people who give me the heebie- jeebies when I look at them.  Their eyes seem to tell a different story- that there's something else going on in that brain upstairs.  Because I know people who have that same look in their eyes and have done some pretty weird off the wall creepy things.  Whenever I see someone with eyes that seem to tell a different story than what that persons mouth is telling, I immediately do not trust them.

Do you know anyone with eyes that seem to tell a different story?

Places to find petla

• At petlas favorite dope dealer house
• Puffing on a joint
• Puffing on a bong
• Puffing on petlas favorite pipe

Places to find Kathy McLinn on the world wide web

• Facebook
• Myspace
• dillinghamak.blogspot.com

My take on the new $15 duck stamp requirement

Subsistence hunters are upset with the new requirement of having to shell out $15 for a duck stamp now.  Some of them said that requiring them to purchase a stamp is unfair -- and impossible for many to comply with.  Hunters saying this is a crock if I ever heard one.

You see, I have lived in a village where everyone "couldn't afford" to do certain things.  There were three stores to buy groceries and what not.  One store was operated by the village council.  They set up a card reader for purchases.  Now this card reader wasn't set up with credit/debit cards in mind.  Its purpose was to accommodate food stamp users who had the Quest cards loaded with food stamps.  Now these people "couldn't afford" to buy heating oil, so they would cut wood to burn in wood stoves.  They couldn't afford to buy food, so they had food stamp cards.  The list goes on with what they "couldn't afford" to do.

Now here's the reason I'm going to cry about this- this was a damp village, meaning they could possess a certain amount of alcohol each month.  They couldn't sell it, but it happens every day.  Now these people that "couldn't afford" to do anything somehow managed to dish out $70 for a bottle of booze.  EVERY day.  How is this possible?  You can't afford to buy food, so you apply for food stamps and get approved.  So you get free money every month to help buy your food.  Because you "can't afford" to do it on your own.  But you can afford to buy $70 worth of booze everyday?  WTF, Chuck?  What's wrong with this picture?  Don't forget that $70 is a low price for booze in a damp or dry village up north.  In some places, the price is 2-3 times that.  Everyone can manage to pay big dollars for booze, but say that paying a measly $15 for a duck stamp just like everyone else is impossible to comply with?  Gimme a f*cking break, two faced boozers.

Don't forget the internet, satellite dishes, fancy snowmachines that they can afford.

Anyway, I could ramble on and on about these people that "can't afford" to do certain things, but I'll keep it simple.  Shut up and buy the f*ckin stamp.  You look stupid complaining because this crap makes it big in the news for the whole world to see.

Secure Those Wireless Networks, Dummies

How many of you use wireless routers at home?  How many of you use WEP encryption?  How many of you use WPA encryption?  How about WPA2?

When I first bought my Netgear wireless router, I used its most secure option- WPA2.  After time, I found out that this slows my connection speed somewhat.  I stepped it down to WPA, and eventually down to WEP.

There are a number of wireless routers in my neighborhood.  Most of them are unsecured, meaning anyone with a modern computer (that picks up wireless signals) can connect and download anything.  Secure those wireless networks, dummies. 

Loving to spend so much time on my computer, it was only natural to learn how to crack my own network key.  Like I said, I'm using WEP.  One of my neighbors is using WPA.  I asked him if I can try to crack his key.  He said give it a go.  Guess what?  Success!  Not that I'm going to go around trying to crack everyones wireless networks- this is illegal. 

If you use a wireless router- everyone within range can connect to it if you don't have it secured.  Which means everyone within range can download from your internet account and push you over your limit, making you pay overage fees.  Secure that router, dummy!

Whoops

Please change knife slicing through hot butter to:  

hot knife slicing through warm butter 

haha

Making The Best Hard Boiled Egg Ever

I love to eat hard boiled eggs with my fried potatoes & pork sausage in the mornings almost as much as I love to eat over easy eggs with my fried potatoes & pork sausage in the mornings.  Can't forget to mention the whole wheat toast with real butter.

Over the years, I've seen a number of different ways to prepare hard boiled eggs.  I don't remember them all.  But I seem to have stuck with boiling them for 10 minutes.  Who cares, as long as they are cooked, eh?

With the internet at my fingertips, I have found the way to cook hard boiled eggs that is going to be the only way I cook hard boiled eggs from this point on.  As easy as:

1. Plop your eggs in a pot, careful not to crack them
2. Cover eggs with cold water (make water level 1 inch above eggs)
3. Bring to a boil
4. Once boiling, time for 1 minute (that's right- only sixty seconds)
5. After one minute of boiling, remove from heat and cover
6. After ten minutes has passed, drain water
7. Give eggs an icy blast of cold water (I like to repeat this step until all my eggs are peeled, they peel like a knife slicing through hot butter)

You have just prepared the best hard boiled eggs ever.  Enjoy.

The Multiple Purpose Corn On The Cob

If I lived on a farm in the pre-toilet paper days, here is how one of my days would play out:

• Harvest some of my corn crop
• Eat some corn on the cob with dinner
• Fashion a corn cob pipe out of the empty corn cob
• Save the rest of the empty corn cobs for use in the outhouse, to clean myself after doing my deed

This is how one of your days would have played out too- if you lived on a farm in the pre-toilet paper days.

A conversation with petla

petla: puff, puff, puff
petla: cough, cough, cough
petla: DLG'er, you're Eileen Goode!
DLG'er: ???
petla: puff, puff, puff
petla: cough, cough, cough
petla: you're the only one that writes like that!
DLG'er: ???
petla: puff, puff, puff
petla: cough, cough, cough
petla: that's why you quit KDLG!
DLG'er: ???

And then what????

I saw a couple of people in Anchorage at 5th Avenue and Gamble (Ingra, maybe?  I get em mixed up) that had picket signs.  A native guy was on the left side by the BMW dealer.  On the right side, at the intersection was a native female.  Looked like she was a cab driver, because she was standing right next to a parked taxi cab and jabbering on a cell phone.  The signs said something like:  Honk if you want cheap gas.  Or something like that.

As I was stopped at the stoplight, there was a fair amount of traffic at about 9 am.  Nobody was honking.  There were two signs that the people were holding and one standing up on its own.  I sat there looking for more information.  But it wasn't there.  Just honk if you want cheap gas.  And then what?  Are they asking for support on something that's coming up for voters to decide on?  Are they part of a group of people that are working for cheap gas?  Cheap natural gas?  Cheap gasoline?  These two picketers certainly didn't let us, the drivers know. 

Maybe there's something in the news that I didn't pay attention to, because it didn't seem worth my time.  Who knows.  Apparently it wasn't worth the time to all of the drivers that were surrounding me at the stoplight, either.  Maybe these two people just felt good out waving their signs. 

Anyway, as the light turned green and I was driving away- I honked my horn.  Because I want cheap gas.  Doesn't matter if it's cheap natural gas, or cheap gasoline.  Good luck picketers, you're going to need it. 

A conversation with Kathy McLinn

Kathy McLinn:  It was a great event
DLG'er:  Sounds boring
DLG'er:  ...(Later on, trying to brush my boring comment aside)  Sounds like a lot of good things happened
Anonymous:  It was gay
Kathy McLinn:  DLG'er, you're anonymous!  (Teacher making assumptions)
DLG'er:  Sorry if I offended anyone  (Even though I didn't make 'anon' comment)
DLG'er:  Kathy McLinn, please apologize- I did
Kathy McLinn:  No words, just nose up in the air  (This is how I am picturing things, because I haven't heard back from her)

Bustin a Rhyme with Kathy McLinn, Part 4

Kathy McLinn, oh Kathy McLinn
Apologize, then we all win

Bustin a Rhyme with petla, Part 4

petla, I have just what you need
a suggestion to go to rehab, to stop smoking all that weed

An assignment for Kathy McLinn (and everyone else reading this), Part 2

Google the words "kathy mclinn" and see what results you come up with.  Click here to go to the google search page.  (World's #1 search engine, do you use it?)

If you are Kathy McLinn and would like to apologize, click on Bustin a Rhyme with Kathy McLinn- you can do it there.  If not, I will continue to add posts with your name in them that are very similar to the ones that I already have.  I won't stop until www.dillinghamak.blogspot.com is listed before your facebook link in the Google searches.  I have time.

Invincible Pedestrians

You're zoomin along, doing the speed limit.  Nothing out of the ordinary, until you have to brake to a screeching halt because a pedestrian is taking a Sunday stroll across the street.  In your path.

I don't have a problem with jaywalking, I do it all the time.  What sets me apart from these invincible pedestrians is that I will speed up my walking to a run when there is a car coming.  These invincible pedestrians pay absolutely no attention to the big hunk of steel speeding their way.  This, in my opinion- is a death wish.  Perhaps they are taking the 'pedestrian has the right of way' wrong.  Maybe I'm taking it wrong.  I see the pedestrian having the right of way at intersections where a stop sign or stop light is present.  Not in the middle of the highway.

Get the f&^% off the road, invincible pedestrians!!!

E=MC²

Me+Dillingham=DLG'er

Accusation+Teacher=Kathy McLinn

Accusation+Bong=petla

A note to my good friend, petla

No matter what you say, and no matter what you do- I'll always picture a bong with you.

Crusty Booger Faced Little Booger Faces

Here's something that I don't get.  You're out and about, and you see lots of people.  You see lots of little kids.  Some of these little kids look like they haven't had a clean face in weeks.  Of course, little kids can get dirty in a hurry.  But it is the parents duty to keep em clean.  You see kids with dirt on their faces.  Then you see kids with boogers smeared across their face halfway to their ears.  Boogers that have dried and are now crusty.

These little kids don't have crusty booger faces just once, it's all the time.  This just shows what a horrible job that the parent is doing at parenting.  Good golly.  How hard is it to clean a little kids face?  Clean your little crusty booger faced little booger face!

A note to my good friend, Kathy McLinn

No matter what you say, and no matter what you do-  I'll always ask for an apology from you.

Sounds good to me, whiners

You ever notice payphones on your trips to the land of endless pavement, movie theaters and shopping malls galore?  Turn the pages back about ten years and think about whether or not you remember a payphone just about anywhere you look.  Now think about today.  You probably couldn't find a payphone to save your life.  And why is this?  Because now that everyone and their mother has a cell phone that they can yap all day on, why would you need a payphone?  You don't.  According to this article at Anchorage Daily News, ACS is sending all of their payphones to the junkyard.  The state doesn't like this and is trying to stop it.

With pretty much any phone provider that you go to offering the 'lifeline' service, ANYONE can get a cell phone.  This is ridiculous.  You're on welfare- you qualify.  Then you get all of the features that I pay big dollars for and you only have to shell out $1 per month.  What a f*ckin bargain.  Then you can go buy your booze or drugs all you want.  I don't know if this is a state or federal program, but if this program was pulled- I bet you'd see a huge surge in payphone usage, State of Alaska.  Pull this program and I bet everyone and their mother would have to ditch that cell phone with unlimited minutes and texting and resort to using a payphone. 

The State of Alaska would like public input on whether these phones are needed or not.  What a waste of time and money.  ACS has already said that they are working with some communities to slap in some public use phones.  I'm assuming that these are phones where you don't have to plop quarters in.  I'm sure that communities that feel unsafe without these payphones can get some kind of a deal going where there are some of these public use phones.  I'll bet that these communities can purchase their own 'payphone' and just hook up a line just like everyone else in town has. 

Now when you're in Anchorage and you need to call someone, you can buy a relatively inexpensive 'disposable' phone.  Complete with rechargable minutes.  I've never used one of these, so I don't know all of the details.  No rocket science.  Getting rid of all the payphones sounds good to me, whiners.  I can live without payphones, I'm sure most other people can too.

...ask yourself one question--Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya punk?

I know what you're thinking. Did he fire six shots or only five? Well to tell you the truth in all this excitement I've kinda lost track myself. But being this is a .44 Magnum - the most powerful hand gun in the world and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question--Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya punk?

Memorable Clint Eastwood quote from Dirty Harry.  Order it up from Netflix if you have forgotten.

Bustin a Rhyme With petla, Part 3.5

There once was a person- who liked to breath through a bong
petla was the name- petla is the star of my song

Bustin a Rhyme With petla, Part 3

Whatcha doin petla- smokin a big ole doobie?
Are those cartoons you're watchin- hey! is that Scoobie?

Today is Sunday

Please go to church, you probably need it after Friday night.

Gimme A Friggin Break

Now I don't know the entire story behind this because KTUU offers very little information about Mocha, the seal pup rescued from Naknek.  That's ok, because no matter how much information is given- I'll still let it fly.  They can sugar-coat it all they want, and I'll still think the same.  It's all fine and dandy that they've 'rescued' such a cute little creature.

In my eyes, it doesn't matter how this cute little creature got into a situation where he/she needed rescuing.  This 'rescuing' shouldn't have taken place.  This may sound evil to many people, but I'll hold my ground.  This cute little creature is meant to live in the wild, and if it can't live in the wild on its own- then it'll go to the place high in the sky.  This is natures agenda.  The strong will survive, while the weak may not.   

On to the Sea Life Center.  I've been there and have seen all they have to offer.  Even looked out the window and saw a whale in the distance.  Cool place.  They have starfish that the little kids can touch.  They also have some not so cool sights.  In one of the tanks were two or three different types of crabs.  They were slowly wandering around the bottom of the tanks.  They were also eating each other alive.  This was a horrible sight to see.  I can't imagine trying to explain this to a five year old kid.  Outside, there was about an eight foot diameter pool that had I think an otter inside.  It wasn't banging a clam on a rock on its belly.  It was swimming in a circle non-stop.  Swimming very fast.  I asked one of the employees there if it was unhappy because of the little tiny pool it was in.  She said it was happy.  And that was it.  Nothing more.  Oh. 

I would probably pay money to visit the Sea Life Center again.  Maybe I'll see my little prisoner buddy, Mocha that was 'rescued' from Naknek.  I'll probably stare Mocha in the eye and see the misery he/she is going through living in confinement.  Poor little Mocha.

The Brick Outhouse

I caught a few minutes of a show about a prison yesterday.  One thing I noticed were the white walls made out of blocks.  They looked like they could survive a tank blast or two.  Oddly, the thought of a brick sh*thouse came to mind.  I don't remember when I've ever heard the phrase "built like a brick sh*thouse" or where I heard it.  Are there really brick sh*thouses?

Bustin a Rhyme with Kathy McLinn, Part 3

Kathy McLinn, are you a teacher?
Kathy McLinn, you can easily pass as a preacher

Kathy McLinn, why won't you say sorry?
Kathy McLinn, because of this I'm not going to worry

Kathy McLinn, are you in a higher class?
Kathy McLinn, DLG'er is not going to run out of gas

Kathy McLinn, say the word I plead
Kathy McLinn, that one word is all I need

My Tolerated Addiction

My morning starts out with a very strong cup of coffee.  That one cup of coffee is followed by more cups of coffee until my 12 cup pot is empty.  This is how it has been for about five years.  I didn't become a regular coffee user until about five years ago.  Before that, I had a cup now and then.  I didn't need coffee then.  Now I need it.

Over my coffee drinking term, the strength of my coffee has slowly gotten stronger and stronger.  There's one thing I really hate, and that's weak coffee.  Nothing worse than a cup of joe that looks and tastes like tea.  Might as well drink a cup of hot water with food coloring in it.  Some people that I know drink very weak coffee.  Some restaurants serve very weak coffee.  Some stores sell ready made very weak coffee.

I think I started out with Hills Bros. or Folgers.  Somehow, I moved to whole bean French Roast.  Costco has really big bags of them.  Nothing like grinding your own coffee beans to brew a perfect pot of coffee.  I then moved on to cans of Yuban.  Then to Yuban Dark Roast.  This moving away from whole beans was a money saving effort.  I think I have found my true love in coffee by making the move.  I'll probably buy whole beans now and then, but not very often.

I bought a plastic red can of Folgers not long ago because it was on sale.  This was a horrible mistake that I will never make again.  Folgers may have been perfect for me 4 or 5 years ago, but now it is nothing more than swill.  Pppwwwwthaa!!!

Anyway, am I alone in my move to drinking coffee that a spoon would stand up in?  Do most other people have to drink stronger and stronger coffee?  I don't see myself quitting coffee anytime soon.  I'm addicted.  Coffee is my tolerated addiction.  Sip...sip.

An assignment for everyone but Kathy McLinn

Maybe my goal takes a group effort.  Click on the little envelope below and send this post to five of your buddies so that they may form their own opinion on this Kathy McLinn issue.  I apologized to Kathy McLinn, I think it is only proper that she do the same to me.  Some possible reasons I think she hasn't apologized to DLG'er:

• So disgusted with my blog that she hasn't returned to see my apology (even though I'm not 'anon' as she claims)
• Too "good" to apologize to DLG'er
• She thinks that maybe ignoring this issue will make it go away

I understand that my writing may not appeal to everyone, but I think that she was out of line to say what she did- claiming that I'm 'anon' writing horrible comments on my own blog.  If I had bad things to write, I would have said them as DLG'er.  Period. 

When you see Kathy McLinn, say one of the following:

• Kathy, I think you should go to DLG'ers blog- there's something you might want to see there
• Geez, Kathy- why don't you just apologize to DLG'er?

I have forgotten about petla and could care less what petla has to say either way.  I will now focus my attention on Kathy McLinn.

An assignment for Kathy McLinn (and everyone else reading this)

Google the words "kathy mclinn" and see what results you come up with.  Click here to go to the google search page.

When you're satisfied with your results, and kathy mclinn is still in the search bar:

1. click on "show options" which is above left
2. click on blogs and see what results you come up with

If you are Kathy McLinn and would like to apologize, click on Bustin a Rhyme with Kathy McLinn- you can do it there.  If not, I will continue to add posts with your name in them that are very similar to the ones that I already have.  I won't stop until www.dillinghamak.blogspot.com is listed before your facebook link in the Google searches.  (Not the blog search, the main search where your facebook page is listed first)

Yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip.....kick.....squeal, squeal, squeal, squeal, squeal, squeal

This is how I envision things happening whenever there's a little football sized dog yapping its lungs out at me.  That's just the little DLG'er devil standing on my shoulder telling me how I should do things.  Thank heavens there's a little DLG'er angel standing on the other side telling me just the opposite.

Do you know people that have two or three of these little yappers running around inside?  Not just yapping at you, but pooping and peeing everywhere?  Not only do I get the urge to kick them out of the way, but the urge to grab them by fur on their back like a cat carries her kittens around.  Of course this probably wouldn't stop the yapping.  Probably make it worse.  As far as pets go, I'll put these little yappers in the same category as alley rats.  I hate em.

Back to thoughts of kicking them out of the way.  I'd be willing to bet the farm on saying that most people have the same thought of kicking them out of the way when they are barking bigger than their bite.  Be honest, now- what are your first thoughts when one of these little yappers is barking like crazy at your ankles?  Is it 'oh, what a little cutie,' or 'shut up, you little turd!!!?'

The stone age public restroom hand dryers

Pppppppppwwwwwwwwhhhhhhhhhhpppppppppppffffffffffffffpppppppp!!!!!  And then your hands are dry as a bone.  Sound familiar?  You're in a public restroom, do your deed, and wash up.  Then you stick your hands underneath a cool white contraption, and voila!  Your hands are dry. 

I remember way back in elementary school, after washing up- there were paper towel dispensers where you had to spin a little metal handle to get the paper coming out.  Then you have to manually dry your hands with the paper towel.  Man.  Tedious work.

Then came along the automatic forced air hand dryers where you just press the lever and stick your hands under, while rubbing them together.  Coolest things ever at the time.

Today, we have the Xlerator hand dryers that give your hands a tornado blast of air and they are almost instantly dry.  I'll have to admit that these have spoiled me.  Anytime I have to wash my hands in a public restroom and there are stone age hand dryers, I'm always a bit sad.

If you wash your hands after using the restroom, click on cool (below, left).

If you don't wash your hands after using the restroom, click on interesting (below, middle). 

Bustin a Rhyme with petla, Part 2

Whatcha doin petla, smokin some weed?
An apology, that's all I need

Sorry is the word, just say it
Then you can go back to your bong, and take another hit

Bustin a Rhyme with Kathy McLinn, Part 2

Kathy McLinn- please be my friend
These sore feelings- we can easily mend

All it takes- is just one word
Just say it- and we won't look like a turd

Kathy McLinn- you are so dear
If you don't say you're sorry- I'm sure to shed a tear

Bustin a Rhyme with Kathy McLinn

Kathy McLinn, oh Kathy McLinn
There's one thing you can keep up, and that's your chin

Kathy McLinn, I didn't call you names
But somehow, we are playing stupid little games

Kathy McLinn, see what happens when you make a guess?
Please admit that you were wrong, go on-  confess

Kathy McLinn, we've gotten ourselves into such a mess
There's a button of yours, now DLG'ers only goal is to give it a press

Kathy McLinn, oh Kathy McLinn
Just apologize, this all goes in the trash bin

Kathy McLinn, I did apologize
Do the same now, wouldn't it be wise?

Bustin a Rhyme with petla

petla called me Eileen Goode
I don't know why someone would

THIS IS HOW PETLA WRITES
I THINK USING ALL CAPS REALLY BITES

How would petla think that I'm someone that I'm not?
I could easily assume that petla's smoking a little pot

petla thinks that petla is 'we'
petla forgot to include poor old me

Why do we all have to be so mean?
Why don't we just wipe the slate clean?

petla should admit that petla was wrong
Maybe petla is too busy fooling with a bong

This is what it is like to be wrongfully accused
Say you're sorry and your good name won't be abused

The Splish-Splashin Honey Bucket Rides

Hmm...I think I'll haul the uncovered fresh water tank right next to the full honey buckets that I need to empty, so I can save a trip.  On the way to the community fresh water hose that's dangling down & that everyone touches, I can empty those honey buckets at the collection site that I lean up against to dump my buckets in.  When I get home, I'll haul my ready to use honey buckets inside & put them in the corner where they belong.  Next, I'll wrestle the fresh water tank inside.  Finally, I'll start cooking some dinner.  I don't want to wash up, cause it'll waste water.

You see, I've never been to a village that doesn't have running water.  I've only seen them in my favorite paper, the Anchorage Daily News.  Every now & then, it seems- there's something about villages in the news that don't have running water.  I've seen pictures of honey bucket collection sites.  I've seen pictures where you drive your four wheeler or snowmachine with your bucket strapped on back and a hose is dangling down for your ease of use.

I don't have any plans to visit any of these villages any time soon, but I have some questions that would probably require me to see first hand how things are done.  Some things I'm curious about:

• Since there's no running water, does a honey bucket ever get washed?
• Does a honey-bucket house smell really bad?
• How many people touch these community fresh water hoses with their bare hands every day?

To be honest, these are questions that I don't think I ever want the answers to.  Maybe I'm squirmish, but just the thought of touching a honey bucket makes me feel dirty.  I really enjoy flushing a toilet and using the sink with running water that's two feet away from it.  Can't forget to mention the shower that I love to use everyday.

Click here to see an article showing how living in these places is hazardous to your health.  How do you go about living in these places?  My list of guesses below are the reasons I think people continue to live in such conditions:

1. They've only lived without running water, so they don't know the benefits of living with running water.
2. Can't afford to move to a place that has running water.
3. Don't want to move to a place that has running water for other reasons.

Something for you to try to give yourself an idea of how these people live:

• Get a five gallon bucket and bring it in to your bathroom.  Don't use your toilet, just use the bucket until it's full.  You may dump it into your toilet when it's full.
• Get a five gallon bucket and fill it with water.  Only use water from this bucket to do your daily water using chores.  You may fill it up in your home when it's empty, but keep note of how fast this bucket gets used up.

Do these two things until you can't stand it anymore.  Come back to let me know how long you lasted.

Computer Wallpaper

The coolest, most ass-kicking, eye-popping desktop wallpapers are found at:

www.wallpaperswide.com
 
Come back to let me know that you agree with me on at least something. I currently am using 'magic mountains'

!!!!update!!!!  I have switched to 'sunrise'

The Frosty Windshield Peephole

One thing that really bothers me is driving down the road on chilly mornings and seeing someone with a frosty windshield, with the driver hunching over to see through probably a 1/4 square foot worth of defrosted glass.  I've come up with a list of reasons why this is:

• The driver is extremely lazy
• The driver is extremely late for something
• The driver is not the proud owner of a scraper
• The driver is lacking in the common sense dept.

These are all inexcusable reasons, except for the last one.  Some people are just born with a dim light bulb upstairs.  You can't blame them for this.  There are work arounds for the other reasons: 

• For the driver that's extremely lazy- all it takes are a few scrapes and you can have at least half of the windshield clear.  Very little effort. 
• For the driver that is extremely late- all it takes are a few scrapes and you can have at least half of the windshield clear.  This will only make you a few seconds later than you already are. 
• For the driver that is not the proud owner of a scraper- you can use your drivers license if you are in a pinch.  You can be proud of 'making use of what you have'

This is a safety hazard, and everyone outside of your frosty windshield peephole is in danger of you, your stupid actions, and the possible carnage because of you and your stupid actions.  Please clean your windshield.

Why are you walking funny, Principal Skinner?

I was watching the Simpsons show last night. I've always known that this show is not for children, but I wonder how many parents let their kids watch it. In the episode I saw last night, Bart found a cell phone and somehow ordered up some Viagra pills. These pills made their way into Principal Skinners coffee cup. Principal Skinner was walking very oddly after drinking his coffee, wondering what was up with his coffee. Man. If you happen to be the parent of an early grade school child, and you let him/her watch the Simpsons- I suggest that you sit down and watch an episode with them. You may change your way of thinking about the Simpsons.

DLG'er = Kathy McLinn + petla !!!

DLG'er is nothing more than Kathy McLinn in kahoots with petla.  Is this far fetched?  Not at all.  Seeing how the world we live in is full of know-it-alls, there has to be someone out there that will read this and say "that's right, DLG'er is Kathy McLinn & petla."  They will believe this to be the truth, by just guessing.  If Kathy McLinn & petla can do it, why can't anyone else do it?  I don't see any reason why not.  This finger pointing and blaming is pretty easy to do.  Accusing, assuming or whatever else you want to call it.  Monkey see- monkey do, I say.  When you see Kathy McLinn, ask her how her DLG'er blog is coming along.  Ask petla the same thing, if you ever see him/her.

I'll say it again, Kathy McLinn- when you said I think your comments are a poor reflection on you, not anyone else, you forgot to think about how your own comment will reflect on yourself.

And for you petla, when you said ok eileen goode, we all know it's you!  your the only one who writes like this as you did in you're last blog that lead you to quit kdlg,--- who do you mean by we?

Anyone reading this who knows either one of these two, please pass this on to them.  I'm really interested in what they have to say about this.

Anyone that missed the events leading up to this can follow the below list of posts, with number one being the beginning of it all.
1. Liars, Liars, Liars
2. Something more important than Pebble Mine
3. I'm unique because I'm me, you're unique because you're you
4. Practice what you preach
5. Crossing the line
6. KDLG
7. DLG'er is done blogging

I'll toss it out there again- if I can get an apology from both Kathy McLinn & petla saying that they were wrong, I will permanently delete these posts containing all of the mean stuff.  This will include the above seven posts, in addition to this post.

These crooks bother the hell out of me

I'm in a store buying some grub.  I'm trying to decide whether I should buy the larger size, or the smaller size.  One would think that by buying the larger size, some cash would be saved.  This money saving is hit or miss.  Some really quick calculations in my head or on my phone tells me the truth.  These crooks fool you into thinking you're saving some money going with the larger size, while at the same time taking you to the cleaners.  These larger sizes are usually 1.5 times the normal size, and sometimes roughly 2 times the normal size.  This makes for some pretty simple math.  The next time you're trying to decide which size to buy, remember that buying the larger size may not save you money.  Effin crooks!!!

2700 revolutions oughta spit those bills out

You're washing some clothes and forgot some hard earned cash in your pants pockets.  Sometimes, this hard earned cash gets tossed out of those pockets in the washer machine, and you have some clean but wet hard earned cash.  Some unintentional money laundering just went on.

But sometimes, those hard earned bills like hanging out in the pants pockets you stuffed them in and continue their journey on to the dryer.  Now what makes them fall out of the pockets in the dryer?  Does the pair of pants have to fall just right, with the pocket opening facing downward while getting bumped with another pair of jeans, right at the pocket opening- impact causing the hard earned cash to jiggle loose?  This has to be it.  Today, as I watched the jeans through the glass dryer door and noticed a bill floating around, I wondered how many times the dryer drum has to spin around for this to happen.  Just a guess, but I figured that the drum was spinning at a rate of 3/4 revolution per second.  Some simple math told me that in one minute, the drum would spin around 45 times.  Multiply 45 revolutions per minute by the 60 minutes that your jeans will spend in the dryer, and you get 2700 revolutions.  Surely this is enough to nudge the hard earned bills out of the pants pockets.

I'm sure that sometimes, the money just happens to stay put in the pockets you put them in.  This probably doesn't happen as much as the falling out does.  Anyway, check your pockets before tossing your pants in the washer machine.

Loudest, rowdiest, most action-packed sporting event I have ever witnessed

A long, long, long time ago- I went to a UAF-UAA hockey game at the Carlson Center in Fairbanks.  I arrived as they were doing the announcements.  The lights were out, colored dizzying spotlights were flashing everywhere and the crowd was going crazy!  The game wasn't even started yet!  This UAF-UAA rivalry brings tons of energy into the game.  This was my first live hockey game.  I've seen them on tv and admit that they are very boring to watch.  Not so in person.  It was very exciting to watch, because it's non-stop action for the entire game.

Some time later, I went to a semi-pro hockey game where the Alaska Goldkings (no longer in existence) were playing someone from Russia.  Not to bash the college players, but these semi-pro skaters made the college guys look like little league.  Everything they did was faster and looked more organized.  This crowd didn't quite have the energy that the UAF-UAA crowd had, but it was still very exciting.

Many, many, many years later- I happened to watch an Aces game when Scott Gomez was playing for them during the NHL lockout.  His pelvis was injured in a cheap shot while playing in a play-off game against Bakersfield, in Bakersfield.  When they returned to play Bakersfield in Anchorage- this was the loudest, rowdiest, most action-packed sporting event I have ever witnessed.  The crowd booed for the entire introduction of the Bakersfield team.  You couldn't even hear the announcer.  Imagine over 6000 people booing as loud as they can.  What made this game very exciting was that the energy didn't stop at the introduction.  It continued for the entire game.  The Sullivan Arena can get VERY loud.

If you're in Anchorage any time soon, make sure you check the news for the Aces game times.  It's play-off time now, and play-off games are the coolest to watch.  If they are playing while you are there, make sure you go buy some tickets.  If you haven't been to one of these games, and you go to one- you're sure to be hooked.

That aint quite how it works

As I made a big old pot of spaghetti earlier, an old spaghetti making memory surfaced.  I remember the first time I bought a jar of Ragu sauce.  Bought it with a small package of spaghetti.  Boiled the spaghetti as per instructions, heated up the Ragu sauce.  Drained the spaghetti and mixed the sauce in.  Then started eating.  It was horrible.  About the same as dipping uncooked spaghetti sticks into a cold can of tomato sauce.   

I found out that the way I made it aint quite how it works.  If you're going to go down the simple route and get some ready made sauce, you at least have to add hamburger, mushrooms, onions and whatever else you think might jazz it up a little.

Anyway, that's all.

Happy Easter

Hope you found the golden egg.

Coolest license plate I have ever seen

The coolest license plate I have ever laid eyes on happened to be on a trip to Anchorage for the Alaska State Fair many years ago.  This license plate was not on a car, or truck.  It was on a Harley Davidson motorcycle driven by a female.  The sight of a female ripping around on a motorcycle is always cool.  What made this sight even cooler was that she had a custom plate that said VBRATR.  These letters may or may not be exactly as were on the plate, but the message couldn't be any louder or clearer.  Maybe I just read the plate the wrong way.  You always see plates that have you guessing the meaning behind the letters.  After seeing this plate, I think I know why women drive Harleys now.

Buzz Lightyear

I was watching a news show last night where Buzz Aldrin made an appearance because of being on the show Dancing with the stars.  First I ever heard of Buzz Aldrin.  I just learned after a simple Google search that he walked on the moon moments after Neil Armstrong did.  Neil Armstrong is a name that is forever seared into my brain.  I'm sure it's seared into most any Americans brain.  Well congratulations on  your achievement, Buzz Aldrin.

Now hearing the name Buzz Aldrin didn't ring any bells.  But it made me think of Buzz Lightyear, another space traveller.  The character Buzz Lightyear, I'm guessing- is based on Buzz Aldrin.  Two cool space travellers.

My Googling didn't end with Buzz Aldrin, though.  I had to find out when the last human manned moon landing was.  Turns out it was in 1972, nearly 40 years ago.  While these moon landings are probably some of humans greatest achievements, I really have to wonder if they are nothing more than a hoax.  Here we are- forty years later with much more advanced technology, but no more moon landings.  With much more advanced equipment, shouldn't these moon landings become easier and easier?  I don't pay as much attention to Space Shuttle take offs like I did when I was a little kid, because they happen to be pretty much an everyday occurrence now.  When you hear in the news about the Space Shuttle landing back on earth, it's kind of like a ho-hum experience because it's been done so many times.

Is it possible that we don't have the technology to land on the moon?  No disrespect for our space travelling heros decades ago, but maybe Buzz Lightyear is our only hope.  To infinity ... and beyond!

The learned swagger

So you're walking amongst a crowd of people.  Something really stands out with certain individuals now and then.  It's like a homing beacon saying 'Look at me! Look at me! Look at me!'  What is it?  For males, it is a strut that looks so ridiculous that you struggle to keep the laughing contained to inside your head- and not out loud.  For females, it is butt-wiggling.  Me being a male, this female butt-wiggling is a welcome sight.  Be honest, you can't tell me that you've never noticed these things. 

Let's think about how these people came about walking this way.  This can't be natural.  They probably weren't born walking this way.  At least I hope not.  So why is this the way they walk?  This is a learned swagger.  Did this swagger take a great deal of practice to perfect?  What do you do, stand in front of a mirror until you get the swagger that you think is going to be the best looking one?  I don't know, and I probably don't want to know.

Now, on to why someone would want to walk in a fashion most other people wouldn't use.  This has to be only to make people look at them.  Attention getting.  This is just like a female wearing the most skin tight, form fitting clothes possible.  These females have to be wearing these clothes to focus attention on curves here and there.  Why else?  Just to struggle in the morning shoehorning themselves into these clothes?  Not likely.  If you are a female, and you wear super skin tight clothes for another reason, please let me know why.  Otherwise, I will take this as a hint to grab a look.  I imagine that I'm not the only one that thinks like this.

The next time you see some guy 'strutting' or a female 'wiggling her butt'- ask why they do it.  Ask how long it took them to learn it, too.  Don't forget to ask if they practiced in front of a mirror.  Finally, if it's a guy- say 'dang, you look stupid' and if it's a female- say 'niiiice'

DLG'er is done blogging

April fool!  There are a number of reasons why I have decided to continue with my writing.  They are listed below:

1. Kathy McLinn & petla have refused to apologize, and  admit that they were wrong in making accusations.  This may be because they have painted a horrible picture of DLG'er with first impressions and refuse to come back to see what I have to say.  Or it may be because they know deep down inside that they were wrong.
2. I have decided that writing is so much fun, that I will continue writing under DLG'er until my brain is sucked inside out for every last bit of information contained within.  This may take quite some time.

I will continue to hammer Kathy McLinn & petla (gently) until they admit that they were wrong.  This may prove to be a competition to see who is more stubborn.

The early, unexpected, but welcome retirement

My vehicle recently developed a horrible shimmy that had my hair turning gray.  The thought of bringing it in to a mechanic, only to find out I needed to shell out something like $1200 was horrible.  The first thing I did was take off the tires, one by one to make sure there was no damage to the wheels & to clean the insides off.  I scraped a great deal of mud off of the rear tires, and hoped that this was the cause.  Past experience with dirty wheels has shown me that this may cause a horrible imbalance and making the car wobble a bit.  Seeing there was no damage, I raced off in hopes that clean wheels would solve the problem.  It didn't.

Not sure what to do, I tried to ignore the problem for a while.  I had bigger fish to fry, so the shimmy would have to wait.  Each time I slammed my driver door and took off, the shimmy only got worse.  Hard to ignore.  But first, I had to go buy some vegetables to go with dinner.  On my way back to my vehicle, I noticed that the left rear tire looked horribly bulged out in one spot.  A closer look showed that it was in fact bulged out. 

When I got home, I immediately changed that tire and sped off to see if my problem was fixed.  It was!  I have to wonder why the tire failed like so.  There were no visible signs of damage to the exterior of the tire.  Something on the inside gave way, I suppose.  But what, and why?  The tire was not old at all.  It still had years of use left in it, if not for this failure.  The possibilities on why it failed are endless. 

My guess is that a defect in the rubber on one spot of the tire waited for the sunshine to hit it, while driving 45 mph.  While at the same time, the tread near that defective spot hit a golf ball sized rock, and then on the next revolution- a little puddle of water was the last straw, because it caused a chemical reaction making the rubber stretch a little.  Just lucky I found out what it was, before a blow out occurred. 

Sir- that'll be an arm and a leg, plus your soul.

Tank of gas in Dillingham:
 Arm and a leg


Tank of gas, and a quart of motor oil in Dillingham: 
Arm, a leg, plus a soul

Assorted goodies going stealth through our local airlines

I was sitting in the Pen Air terminal in Anchorage on my last trip home.  I noticed that some people were reading, some fooling around on phones & other techie gadgets, some snoozing.  I chose to occasionally stare out the window at all of the planes coming and going.  Then at the wall, or the floor.  What makes this staring special for me is that there is non-stop thinking going on.  I'll pull up a memory from upstairs, think about it for a while & this sets off a chain reaction of memories popping up.  At each memory popping up, I'll sift through all of the fine details.  Then I'll start working it through different what-if scenarios.  Sometimes, I find answers & solutions to my old questions & problems years later.   

With a quick glance around the room now & then, I notice a carry-on here & there.  My carry-on always contains my beloved laptop computer.  Camera.  (Picture above was taken after whipping my camera out on a flight)  Not much else in my carry-on.  The thought of checking my laptop in at the counter in other baggage is horrifying.  The possibility of it getting treated like a pinball, or beanbag no doubt is there.  So I'll pass on checking it.

I have my reasons for having a carry-on.  I wonder what all of those other carry-ons contain.  Has to be precious, otherwise it would just be checked it in, right?  Possibly just traveling light, though.  So you just walk up to the counter and check in, then declare that you have a carry-on.  Bam-bam.  Then you jump on the airplane.  Bam.

When you fly on a bigger plane to a far away destination, you'll be going through security.  Take your jacket and shoes off.  Belt, wristwatch- you name it.  They get scanned, as well as your carry-on.  Why is there no security screening for these smaller flights?  Smaller planes?  Less people?  Cost too much?  Convenience?  This simple walk up & jump on a plane pretty much allows anything to travel from point A to point B.  I'll bet that this is the preferred transport method for getting weed, pills, and whatever else is around here into the area.  Wouldn't a simple security screening prevent most of this drug smuggling from happening?  Does checked baggage get a screening of some sort?  I guess screening is just to prevent weapons on to the plane?  Don't get me wrong, now- I enjoy the least amount of roadblocks on the path home.  Does anyone know why security screening is only used on the bigger flights, and not the little ones? 

You're considered an adult when you're 11 years old

In Pennsylvania, that is.  Is this to set an example for all 11 year olds?  Read this. Kids should know better than to go around shooting people with shotguns, but what purpose will trying them as adults serve?  13, 14, 15- maybe (teenagers).  But 11?  Seems whacky to me.  I can't imagine the kid being convicted with anything more than involuntary manslaughter.   Of course they argue that he is unlikely to be rehabbed in juvie, but I'm still saying that 11 is a tad bit young for being tried as an adult.

My thoughts on Sarah Palin

The only thoughts that I'll share today on Sarah Palin are the ones involving all of the people that seem to hate her.  Back when she announced that she was resigning as Governor, I was watching Channel 2 News with a couple other people.  We all seemed to wonder why she would do such a thing.  Everyone pointing fingers at her seemed like a good answer.

Today, anything to do with Sarah Palin in the news draws in bucket loads of comments in the Anchorage Daily News.  Most of them are negative comments- hate comments.  No matter what she does, people have something bad to say about it.

Which brings me to her book.  I think that she had this all planned out way back before she resigned, knowing a book would have the moola rolling in (all she had to do was something that drew a lot of attention- quitting).  Now she has an eight episode show planned for The Discovery Channel which commands one million dollars per episode.  I am really thinking about what her cut is on this million dollars per episode.  Maybe she had this planned out, too. 

I'm not saying that I like or dis-like Sarah Palin.  What I'm going to say is that she is probably laughing all the way to the bank at all of her haters.  I'll bet that all of the haters are the first to buy her books, and will be the first to watch her shows.

Anyway, that's all.