Not so smooth transition from village boy to city slicker (or vice versa)

WHEN YOU GOTTA PEE
Village Boy: 
Go to the nearest bush and deed is instantly done.
City Slicker:
Need to think about where the nearest public restroom is.

IN RUSH HOUR TRAFFIC
Village Boy:
Damn, why is this guy stopping all the way at the stop sign?  Seems like he's been there for three seconds.
City Slicker:
Damn, why did that guy stop when the light was still yellow?  Seems like I've been at this stop light for three minutes.

PASSING ON THE ROAD
Village boy:
Raises hand to wave.
City Slicker:
Raises hand to give the finger.

IN THE STORE
Village Boy:
Wow, look at that price!  I'm buying one for the price of two.
City Slicker:
Wow, look at that price!  I'm buying two for the price of one. 

MOVIES
Village Boy:
I can't wait to see that movie, I wonder when it's coming to dvd.
City Slicker:
I can't wait to see that movie, I wonder when it's coming to the theater.

ON THE COMPUTER
Village Boy:
Damn, I've been loading this page for two minutes already.  My connection is slower than hell.
City Slicker:
Damn, I've been loading this page for two seconds already.  My connection is slower than hell.

IN THE RESTAURANT
Village Boy:
Damn, I got here twenty minutes ago and still waiting to order.  What the hell's taking so long?
City Slicker:
Damn, I got here twenty minutes ago, ordered almost as soon as I walked through the door and still waiting for my food.  What the hell's taking so long?