Huh?

Where the F**k is Dillingham, Alaska?

Managing Your Personal Finances, 101

By Professor DLG'er

As I sat here in front of my beloved computer screen earlier, I was balancing my checkbook after making a couple of debit card purchases.  Immediately making entries into my computer after using my bank account is a must for me.  I have to know exactly how much money, down to the last cent is in my account.  Or will be in my account when transactions have cleared.

As I was making my entries, the thought of the back-side of an old Wells Fargo monthly statement popped into my head.  I think it was a neat little form to enter outstanding transactions.  Talk about stone-age.  Not only the thought of having to actually use one of those forms to keep track of my money, but the thought of actually receiving a paper statement in the mail.  Living in today's electronic age, I think it's only proper to receive an electronic statement.  Opting to receive an e-statement also does a great job of reducing clutter around the house that is likely to remain clutter around the house for months, if not years.

The cool thing about thinking about an old Wells Fargo statement is that it reminded me that I am no longer a Wells Fargo member.  Having had a couple of blunders with Wells Fargo, combined with horrible customer service- I have made the switch to Alaska USA Federal Credit Union.  I have been with Alaska USA for over two years and can say making the switch is like night and day.  I remember reading somewhere that they are the largest credit union in the US, due to the fact that most Alaskans use them.

I know some people that don't even balance their accounts.  They just guess as to how much they have in them.  This is horrible, sloppy, lazy.  As for you- if you're reading this, you have enough time to make an entry into some computer software after making purchases.  It's easy, and you'll love yourself for doing it.

Don't forget to switch to electronic statements!  More importantly, consider making the switch to Alaska USA.

ALWAYS Use The Proper Tools For The Job

CORDLESS DRILL:
Yes:  Dewalt 18 Volt (Not compact model)
Heeeellll no:  Makita 9.6 Volt

STAPLE GUN:
Yes:  Arrow Fastener Co. Model T-50 
Heeeellll no:  Black and Decker Powershot 

The Way It Is

To fix a leak, you must simultaneously create another leak somewhere else.

Kathy McLinn's (From Dillingham, Alaska) Dictionary

Teachin' = Learnin' up mah kidz reel goood

Skool = Place fer learnin' up mah kidz

Varmint = Whut goes in muh dinner pot too-night

JimmyJoe = Muh huzbind who ketchz muh varmints

JoeBob = Giggle...Giggle...nunyabiznit

Small Businesses & Proper Planning For Start-Up

By Professor DLG'er

Class, let's focus on proper planning for our hypothetical business venture today.  We are going to talk about taking the proper steps to ensure a smooth start-up for our new business.  Since we live in a fishing village, we will use fish processing as our new business.

Let's make sure that we have a chunk of native allotment to build our processing plant on, because we know that it will be immune from local laws and frivolous complaints from anyone that may live nearby that is concerned about any horrible odors that may come along with fish processing and what we are going to do with the fish waste that we'll have.

Obtaining a law degree is a huge plus, but optional.  By obtaining a law degree, we know that we are not ordinary people.  It also gives us the feeling that we can do whatever we want, regardless of what other people think.

It's pretty much a given that a fish processing plant is going to use a pretty good amount of water.  We'll want to place our processing plant somewhere near a creek or culvert, and we will call the creek or culvert "existing waste stream".  This sounds more environmentally friendly than "dumping fish blood into the creek that runs by everyone on its' way to the river".

Since we are already growing organic vegetables, let's use fish guts as fertilizer.  We'll dump the fish guts on the ground and mix them with dirt.  We'll toss and turn this mixture now and then.  Common sense will tell us that there may be unpleasant smells coming from this magical mixture, but remember- we're on native allotment and that gives us special rights to do what we want on our property with little regard for what any of our neighbors may think.

Now- the icing on the cake in our situation is that we can conduct our business in a wonderful little 'fishing village' during summer operations, but have a more permanent residence in another city during winter months.

Hope you enjoyed today's lesson.  Class dismissed!

Kathy McLinn (From Dillingham, Alaska) Says:

Teachin' giz mah special prillijuz.  Mah skool po-zishun lows mah to say what ah want, when ah want, to whoevah ah want.

The life story of an inexpensive pair of tube socks that always slide down

First time wearing:  I guess these socks will do, they're cheap and I'll save some money

Second time wearing:  I sure seem to have to pull these socks up alot

Third time wearing:  Man!  These dang socks!

Fourth time wearing:  I barely put my boot on and these socks already slipped down.....

.....Tenth time wearing:  These f@$#%$^ socks!!!

Today:  I think I'll just throw those socks away (haven't done it yet and probably won't)

A quote straight out of Izetta's Alaska Bounty blog (alaskabounty.blogspot)

Is it just me, or is decomposing fish waste just a little bit more than "the smell of a little fish"?  Damn, I don't like the idea of Pebble Mine, but I'd rather have a big ass mound of mining debris sitting in my back yard than the smell of rotting fish.  Maybe Izetta can explain how her fish composting operation on her property really works.

New poll

Vote in the new poll if you think fish are not returning to Bristol Bay.

Kathy McLinn (From Dillingham, Alaska) Says:

Skoolz goan stott purdy soon.  Ah kaint wait!!!  Mah garsh, ah kaint wait!!!  Good garsh dang it, ah kaint wait!!!

Growing your own 'organic' vegetables to sell to your neighbors at a high price in Bush Alaska

By Professor DLG'er

Welcome back, class!!! Greetings aside, we are going to dive straight into today's lesson. Let's use the following guide to learn how to grow our own organic vegetables to sell to our neighbors at high prices.

First on the list of to-dos is to order up a couple of high-tubes. We want to make sure that we know the barge shippers sailing schedule so that we don't have to use very expensive air cargo services at last minute.

We then want to order up the following items online:

1. Cool little stickers that say “Organic"
2. Seeds of our choice
3. Plant food, plant vitamins and other growth chemicals
4. An assortment of pesticides
5. Any other chemicals that we can find with convincing claims of “preserving freshness"

Now, we will construct our high-tubes and prepare our soil. Plant our seeds, when they arrive- making sure we use our wide variety of plant food/vitamins/growth chemicals. Once our seeds have sprouted- we'll keep the plants healthy by preventing any pesky insects from chomping down on them before we do. We do this with the use of our pesticides. Once our vegetables have grown nice and big, we will gather them and use our chemicals that “preserve freshness” and then slapping the “organic” stickers all over them.

The final and most important step is to come up with an insanely high price to sell them at and put the sale sign up!

Possible reasons for having a crummy fishing season

• Stayed on shore most of the time
• Didn't fish the line
• Cruised off the fishing grounds when a semi-load was caught
• Seals considered my boat their favorite in the bay
• Fished with holy nets
• Lazy crew
• Smart biologists are ruining the 'sustainable resource'

If you could see DLG'er in person...

...what would you do?

• flash a dirty look?
• call dirty names?
• say 'nice to meet you!'
• say 'cool blog, dlg'er!'
• nuttin' much, because you don't give a hoot

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Just accept it

DLG'er says:
If at first you don't succeed, then you probably just are not good enough.  Don't bother with try and try again- it won't work.

Writing my own newspaper column after Izetta's words of encouragement: "Maybe you should be writing a column in the paper too! I'm sure that other people would be happy to hear of these prices, and I'm also confident that you could explain it in a way that makes sense to your regular, average Joe. You know, not too many big, fancy words that are incomprehensible"

Better Fish Prices
By DLG'er

The ninety-five cent rumors are true!!!

How's Izetta doing?

I wonder how Izetta's vegetable growing and fish business is going.

A sure sign that you'll have an empty net:

Near the end of your net:
Four seals

Also near the end of your net:
Eight seagulls

What they are doing at the end of your net:
Seagulls are dive-bombing the seals.  Seals are lunging up at the seagulls that are dive-bombing.  

DLG'er Says:

It's OK, Kathy- I don't mind if you check the stupid boxes.

Kathy McLinn (From Dillingham, Alaska) Says:

Teachin' is muh biznit and I luv muh biznit.